HomeЛюди и блогиRelated VideosMore From: FANATIC gaming

OLD MAN TELLS FUNNIEST JOKE EVER!

83157 ratings | 3526676 views
Old man tells joke about irs and gambleling. Like and subscribe
Html code for embedding videos on your blog
Text Comments (5836)
Daniel Allen (4 hours ago)
Heard same joke long ago!!!! Only with bartender and a shot glass etc
Kayvon Williams (18 hours ago)
What is a teacher's favorite type of tree? Geometry! (Ba Dum Tss)
RBLXJR (19 hours ago)
Guys stand up bend down and try to touch your toes. when you're doing that spell RUN like if you get it
G. T. (21 hours ago)
A store that sells new husbands has opened where woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this storeONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please and you are all total cunts that want,want and fucking want. Like the rest, you are also nothing but a greedy good for nothing cunt. No wonder you are on you own. you are a horrible cunt, that should be left on the shelf. Just what you fucking deserve. Now fuck off! Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer and fuck you whenever you desire! The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited. 🤷🏼‍♀
mike docherty (3 hours ago)
not bad, i would call the store gash converters
G. T. (21 hours ago)
I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this morning called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic". "Wow!" I was flabbergasted. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have." She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge". "Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!" So I told her to fuck off.
Zomby Woof (22 hours ago)
These are old, OLD dirty Johnny jokes!!!
G. T. (22 hours ago)
Out for a ride. While riding my motor bike, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay? "As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for... "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look. She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.” "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!" "Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly." Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now." "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" "Still in the ditch with the bike, I guess." 😐
Sharon Barrett (23 hours ago)
Not funny at all, try again.
Adolfo Hernandez (1 day ago)
I man goes to the doctor..and the doctor says..I have some bad news,you have cancer and Alzheimer’s disease..the man says ,oh thank god I don’t have cancer..lol
Creuction (1 day ago)
Why is North Korea really good a drawing straight lines Because they have a supreme ruler
ohnean1 (2 days ago)
Little jewish boy asks his dad for $10, to which the father replies $8... what are you gunna do with $5 ?
Armani Dyer (2 days ago)
I went to the doctors office and he asked me “Sir, what is your star sign?I said Capricorn. The doctor said, “nah, you have Cancer
Wordsmith Gobshite (2 days ago)
A man turns to his friend and says "I've just taken up poetry". His friend looks surprised and asks "Don't you find that quite difficult with your dyslexia?". "Not really" the man replies, "I've already made two vases and a mug"
That was an awesome joke I hope the Democrats aren't looking for an excuse to start crying
Jan Coldwater (2 days ago)
OMG! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Bob Hicks (3 days ago)
once upon a time a Baby Seal walked into a Club.... but seriously.....
Albert Hagan (3 days ago)
I heard the same joke from Tarantino. Well an aweful similar one.
LAUNCHKEY (3 days ago)
Ow I got stung by a bee I went to the hospital 🏥 because I was elergic turns out I was elergic to the hospital
LAUNCHKEY (3 days ago)
One day I was walking on the street and a truck drove into fire but hay it’s a fire truck now
LAUNCHKEY (3 days ago)
A couple days ago a man had milk and cheese he knocked me out how dairy
Better Blue (3 days ago)
Awesome. Thank you.
sailingsolar (3 days ago)
Oldman, old joke and I'm probably older than both.
sailingsolar (3 days ago)
This drunk man staggering down the street can't walk stright. Coming down the street are two nuns. Not able to decide which side to pass, the drunk stops in the middle of the side walk. The two nuns seperate and pass on each side, then come together after passing. The drunk turns around, looks and says "How did she do that?"
Justin Quinn (3 days ago)
what grumpus maximus's joke was supposed to be... what did the libarian say to the group of children when they walked in? SHHHHHHH one boy says: what? we didnt say anything. libarian says: well you did now another boy says: oh right libarian says: i mean be quiet
sarge27271 (3 days ago)
LMFAO!!!!! The wife's asking what the hell is wrong with me!!!!! Nearly fell off my chair. You is funny!!!!! Cheers
Osiris Virus (4 days ago)
Funny fucking shit man
MrCubababy (4 days ago)
Loved the joke and the comments that have been left are brilliant
Ron Brigel (4 days ago)
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's head before hitting a windshield??? Its asshole.
Ron Brigel (4 days ago)
Guy gets on an elevator. Inside is an attractive young woman. Guy turns to her and asks, "Can I smell your feet?" Creeped out, she exclaims, "Absolutely not!" Guy matter of factly replies, "Oh, then it must be your pussy."
prestopete7 (4 days ago)
😂😂😂
Alex Adame (4 days ago)
#Desperado
Freddie King (4 days ago)
A little black boy comes home from school and tells his mother that they took a shower after gym today and asks why is his dick so much bigger than the other boys is it bc hes black and the mother tells him no it's because hes 16 in the 4th grade
David morrill (4 days ago)
poop are your jokes their not even funny
Zachary Harris (18 hours ago)
Learn English
findmads (4 days ago)
The joke is from the movie El Mariachi, Robert Rodríguez
Gabriel Millee (4 days ago)
Same joke that is in dusk till dawn just changed a little
Jhigh Tutntup (4 days ago)
Yeah Desperados is a good movie..
joe strummer (5 days ago)
Old man??? This guy is not that old....more like in the middle
craig sayer (5 days ago)
A woman walks into the doctors and says I have a little discharge the doctor says ok go lay on the gurny pull your knickers down and I'll be over the doctor goes over opens her legs and sticks two fingers up her fanny in and out they go doctor asks the lady how does this feel old lady replies fucking lovley but the discharge is in my ear
Doug Jennings (5 days ago)
Lol good one
bilo10 widz (5 days ago)
English man Irishman and a Scotsman apply to join the SAS Sgt says to the English guy your wife is in that room here’s a gun go in and shoot her (he didn’t know it contained blanks) He goes in and comes out again sorry Sir can’t do that. The sergeant does the same with the Scotsman same result. He hands the gun to the Irishman he goes into the room there’s a loud bang then a scuffle. He comes back out and says some stupid bastard put blanks in that I had to strangle the bitch. ( A Scouser from Liverpool)
Steve Waclo (5 days ago)
Quentin Tarantino told a slightly different version at the beginning of his vampire movie. Same punch line. Still funny, tho 👍.
steel city rc (5 days ago)
Hahaha
Juan Laris (5 days ago)
ROFL 🤣omg your killing me haha thanks
Juan Laris (5 days ago)
Hahaha
Mr Anderson (5 days ago)
So there's an engineer, a news anchor, and a politician. The news anchor gets on t.v. and says oh my that buildings on Fire! And after several hours of headlines the politician gets on t.v. as well and says oh my that buildings on Fire! The fire continues to burn and then suddenly collapses. So they bring an engineer on t.v. with them and the engineer says, yes clearly that building was on fire for several hours and caused it to collapse... And the whole world believed building 7, a large robust steel building, which housed cia offices, fell down from a few small fires.
Jeff McDuffie (5 days ago)
If tons of shit thats on fire fell on any building and caught fire it'll fall down. Got any flat earth or no space evidence?
Brandon Miller (5 days ago)
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?? They never get old...
sanonboi (5 days ago)
What's the similarity between a Catholic priest and a silver medalist? . . . . . . They both came in a little behind.
GDog112 (5 days ago)
This was stolen from the movie "Desperado" ... Just worded different
bababue33 (5 days ago)
Nearly the same joke from the movie Desperado in the bar told by Quentin Tarantino
Lmg_bangbang (5 days ago)
😂😂😂😂
driftaw (5 days ago)
Joke stealing, Tarantino in Desperado https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPoX-Z27aNY
50 Shades Of BR Blue (5 days ago)
😆😆😆
Kris Chupp (5 days ago)
Why are you stealing people’s content
Randizle Peregoy (5 days ago)
😂😂😂 Pretty good
Editora Simonsen (5 days ago)
Who's coming back to watch it again?
Just another version of the joke from the movie the Mexican, but still funny.
Gun And gunz (5 days ago)
Desperado Bar scene joke thief lol
Matthew Ramsden (5 days ago)
A guy goes to the doctor's with his wife, the doctor said she's either got aids or dementia, but we're not sure, the guy says how do I find out, the doctor says drop her 20 miles away from home and if she comes home don't fuck her.
Brian Spencer (6 days ago)
Well done!
Joseph Masko (6 days ago)
Didn’t know McCarthy had a talent for jokes.. o wait
I’m yo Daddy (6 days ago)
Guy: who’s the best Fortnite player? Me: Probably Hitler because he has 6 million kills and 1 death 💀😂
gta3ist (6 days ago)
2men walking down the street ,one of them walks into a bar .......the other one ducked
Stefan Lukić (6 days ago)
a week ago I rewatched the old desperado movie and this same joke was said in the movie just frased a bit differently..
Jr buddy (6 days ago)
You must love the movie desperado.. Still funny but.
Rigg Amore (6 days ago)
🤣🤣🤣🤣
SG C (6 days ago)
Lol
Raven66 Raven66 (6 days ago)
Thanks got a good chuckle from the comments.👍
Kid ELECTROLUX (6 days ago)
yep
Whip Scorpion (6 days ago)
Did you hear the one about the moran who thinks he is a comedian?
pbaylis1 (6 days ago)
Great joke, nice delivery!
bluesmahn (6 days ago)
Thanks man......I needed that bad!
Volcryn Darkstar (6 days ago)
A man shows up to a costume party wearing nothing but a pair of blue jeans. The host, making the rounds of the party, turns to greet him and stares quizzically. "Just what are you supposed to be?" The host inquires. "I'm a premature ejaculation," the man replies. "Well how come you didn't show up in shoes or a shirt?" The man gleefully answers, "I just came in my pants!"
Mike j (6 days ago)
Haha good one! Thank you for sharing your joke man! Much appreciated!
Tarzaan (6 days ago)
What do women and black guys have in common
Tarzaan (6 days ago)
They're both property
Tarzaan (6 days ago)
If you watch "Cinderella" backwards, its about a woman learning her place
Mark Baker (6 days ago)
Tarantino tells it better
Robert Hamilton (6 days ago)
Great stuff.
roy rogers (6 days ago)
" WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A REDNECK AND BEING WHITE TRASH? "
roy rogers (6 days ago)
" THE REDNECK OWNS HIS TRAILER! "
Illusion 1401 (6 days ago)
The comment section is 10x better than the actual video
roy rogers (6 days ago)
" WHAT DID BAMBI'S MOM SAY AS SHE CAME RUNNING FROM THE WOODS?"
roy rogers (6 days ago)
" THAT WILL BE THE LAST TIME I DO THAT FOR TWO BUCKS! "
Harry Dude Jr (6 days ago)
Who ever you are, where ever you are, your a hero.
Dannyxyzxyz vv (6 days ago)
That's from the movie 'Desperado', Quentin Tarantino says it ... a bit different but the exact same joke,...try again, without jacking people's jokes
Cmokey Bear (6 days ago)
Didn’t laugh once
mrwilly41 (6 days ago)
Old man dies and is standing at the pearly gates waiting to get in to heaven. Saint Peter starts to ask the man some basic questions first. "Have to be careful" Peter says , "can't just let anyone in here, we have our standards". So Peter starts to question the man. "First question". .. "When was the last time you had sex?" The old guy thinks for a minute then says. .. "We'll sir, just the other day my wife drops a can of pork and beans on the floor right in front of me.. she looked so good bent over that I had to have her right then and there. Peter says..."That's disgusting! I can't let you in here". The old man says, "That's o.k. they won't let us in the grocery store no more neither"
Clint Hightower (6 days ago)
He should have bet tge lawyer $115k ;)
Luis Matute (6 days ago)
A good one, thanks
Caino 05 (6 days ago)
He's got a head like beach ball.
Wayne Chipman (6 days ago)
I have heard and loved this joke so many times.
Falai Elegi (6 days ago)
Old, but done differently.
Kris McDonald (6 days ago)
Was funny the first time I heard when Tarantino told this joke in Desperado in 95
GsxrBoy 1o0 (6 days ago)
Nice one ☝️👍
rwest1833_MGTOW (6 days ago)
This is pretty much the same joke with a different version...from the movie Desperado with Antonio Banderas.....
Frank Poncherello (6 days ago)
I knew I’ve heard this joke before. This joke was told in the 1995 movie “Desperado) with Antonio Banderas. It’s from the bar scene with Quentin Tarantino only told a little different.
don brennan (6 days ago)
why do the doctors smack the babies on the ass when they are born?  to knock the penis off the dumb ones.
Carlson Darlson (6 days ago)
Wierd joke but ok
Eric Anthony (6 days ago)
Aw. Variation of the Desperado joke
Dennis T (6 days ago)
It’s ok, but I told this joke more then 25 yrs ago😂
Lennon Allen (6 days ago)
That’s from the movie desperado
Sage Morningstar (6 days ago)
That is freaking hilarious, give us another one.
Doug Dunlap (6 days ago)
GREAT!
Eulogio Resendez (6 days ago)
that last joke is from Quinton Tarantino in the movie desperado when he tells a joke in the bar.. I know this..

Would you like to comment?

Join YouTube for a free account, or sign in if you are already a member.